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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer are waiting one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers. They see the course marshall and ask why he isn't doing something to expedite play. "They're blind firefighters," says the marshall, "They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them have free access to the course anytime they want." After a moment's reflection, the group responds:
Pastor: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
Doctor: "I'm going to contact an ophthalmologist friend, and see if there's anything he can do for them."
Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time."
Engineer: "Well...in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having. One of their multi-million dollar machines wasn't working and no one knew how to fix it.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "Replace this part and the machine will work."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly once again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded:
One chalk mark .................. $ 1.00
Knowing where to put it ......... $ 49,999.00
The bill was paid.
The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach:
10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Sent to me by Marilyn Harris, 10/17/98. Author unknown.
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